Do I really not care about everyone's perception of the visible "me?" Certainly, the "me" they witness, experience is not the entirety of my being, but more certainly, they are allowed to judge my entire being based on their purely empirical experiences (since all experience is empirical, in my opinion, I'll clarify by saying that I'm referring to their experience of "me" on an impersonal basis, a process outside of "getting to know" "me"). What else would "they" have?
I genuinely care about the well being of others, particularly those in the categories friend, family or brother. It's hard to live a life based on a belief everyone thinks is evil. Shouldn't I make me happy? Shouldn't what I believe make me happy?
Whatever that was, I miss it. I didn't expect my irrationality to return, but I suppose I should have. Life lessons aren't learned by trial and error; they're learned by trial, error, trial, error, trial, error, trial, error, trial and error. I wish for nothing more than perfection, want nothing less than nothing.