My research (academic life) is going well. A small sample:

"Whether unwilling or unable, obtaining an educated opinion comes second to obtaining a chocolate chicken potpie for the 'big-boned' Eric Cartman. (...) Not wanting to stop with simple inferiority, he moves on, comparing (gingers) to vampires, even utilizing the term 'daywalker,' a reference to vampires immune to sun from the comic book series 'Blade.' Cartman uses othering just as Riggins defines it, as rhetoric that 'dehumanizes and diminishes groups, making it easier for victimizers to seize land, exploit labor, and exert control while minimizing the complicating emotions of guilt and shame' (7). (...) Stan, on his way to change Cartman back (from ginger), communicates what may be the point of Stone and Parker's farcical episode, 'You know, Cartman is an uncaring, bigoted intolerant a**hole, but I have to admit, I had my own prejudice about gingers. I think we all need to realize that everyone is different in one way or another, and we shouldn't be threatened by those differences.' No truer words were spoken by a fictional nine-year-old in a blue hat." - Copyright 2006 :)

My social life is going. A small sample:

Winning at miniature golf, losing at miniature golf, I find myself humbled in a good way. I see my closest friends daily, a luxurious temptation for apathy. Willingly, apathy seems to conquer even my future. But I don't care. I'm apathetic to my apathy, content in the now, engrossed in "the pig satisfied."

My personal life is going up hill. A small(ish) sample:

Very few words from very few people alter or potentially alter the way I live. I certainly garner ideas and philosophies from numerous sources, my capacity for intellectual stimulation an endless endeavor. But very few notions bring my thought process to a halt. "The words" in this rare instance (paraphrased) were, "You might have an addiction." My response and thought process stifled, I found myself first in awe at the words and later angry. My anger lasted for roughly 5.333 seconds. My "awe" lasted for at least 40 hours. At least. After finally deciding my official response, I chose not to say it. If I truly had an addiction, then, one would assume, I would deny my addiction. If I didn't have an addiction, then, one would assume, I would deny my addiction. I'd like to refer to said situation as a "Catch-21 1/2," not quite the real deal but damn close.

Alas, having kept my response and eventual thoughts a secret (until now), "the words" changed (paraphrased): "If you don't have an addiction now, you might have one in the future." My response to this is very simple: I agree. Indeed, I don't have an addiction to cocaine now, but I might in the future. The same goes for alcohol, pornography, racing and collecting miniature bears in raincoats. There is no predicting what anyone might be addicted to in the future. (Unless you're into genetics; then you have a shot.)

Please don't mistake my sarcasm and defensiveness as anger (or an addiction); the fact that I have friends who care enough about me to attempt intervention in the face of a difficult decision is extremely rewarding and comforting.

You may interpret my sarcasm as annoyance: while my friends are caring, I don't think they're necessarily truthful (all the time). The vast majority of time, I'm truthful with my friends even in adversity. I want the same in return. I promise that I can handle anything you throw at me (except knives; I can't catch knives (or spiders)). If "addiction" is not the issue, tell me the issue.

Tell me the issue.

(Tell me the issue.)

It will work out better in the long run (or walk).


Moving beyond this is much harder than I anticipated. I guess the current situation doesn't help (or hurt?).

longing for providence,



Amber said...

A (perhaps innaccurate) recollection:

- "Do you think it will be ok?"
- "You know me; I know it will."

She is(n't) right?

Newman said...

tired; therefore, confused