8.26.2007

I'm very quiet here. Eerily quiet. Everyone around me seems open, caring, interested. Southern hospitality, they say. No one mentions the word genuine. I just did, though. I have a big enough issue fearing abandonment--Freudian sense. I don't need to worry about whether or not people put meaning behind their bountiful grins, impeccable manners and grace. Granted, my worries will ease once I start classes. Right? Right.

I've always been a self-motivated person, self-directed child, self-centered adult. For a very long time, I preferred being alone to company. (A lot of things changed in the blue.) For once, I'm actually lonely. It's such an odd sensation. I was mistaking it for slight depression, but I don't feel depressed or sad or down or emo. Social anxiety and loneliness are not a recommended duo.

The situation will get better. Right? Right. At the moment, it sucks. Tomorrow, maybe not. Is that optimism? (I hate it.)