10.11.2008

and now, for your ridicule and enjoyment, my second script EVER (written as a high school English project...which we performed in front of the class)


LIBERATOR
(Judgment Day, but of course, No Death Penalty)

Narrator: Not so long from now, in a galaxy, well, NOT so far away...there will be an election.

(cue: STAR WARS THEAME TRACK___)

(Music ends abruptly)

Narrator: That’s enough of that...so anyway...The incumbent, George W. Bush, will once again face his arch nemesis, the updated GOREBOT2004.

(Boos)

Narrator: GOREBOT manages to rig the election and capture the win.

(More Boos)

Narrator: Shortly after taking office, GOREBOT manages to convince the UN to ban all guns...and eventually...the internal combustion engine. With no guns to defend themselves, and only squirt guns filled with chicken broth, the world easily falls to GOREBOT’s liberal demands.

>>>FAST FORWARD INTO THE FUTURE>>>

Narrator: The year is now 2025 and all majors cities have been demolished to make way for forests filled with bunnies and other Bambi like creatures. Animals outnumber humans 20,000 to one because of the absence of hunting. Out in the Tearwood forest, there is a small resistance against the liberal mongrels...

(cue: ODE TO JOY TRACK___)

they are...

LA RESISTANCE CONSERVATIVE

As we come upon them, we will see exactly how liberal the word has become.

(Enter George White and a Resistance Member )

(They are tossing around a poor defenseless bunny when RM notices a bug on the ground.)

RM: Oh look! A poor little defenseless bug. (Steps on it.)

SQUISH!!!

(cue: ALARM NOISE)

(Enter Two Liberal Guards (LG1 & LG2)

LG1 & LG2: (As they Enter) Hut Hut Hut Hut Hut Hut Hut...etc.

LG1: HALT! Step AWWWWAAAAAY from the bug!

(LG1 picks up the bug and puts it on a tiny “bug stretcher.” Then he takes it to the hospital. EXIT LG1.)

GW: You people are sick! LONG LIVE...uh...ANN COULTER!

(Squirts LG2 with squirt gun full of chicken broth.)

(LG2 looks at GW and looks at vest...repeat.)

GW: (explains) It’s chicken broth moron.

LG2: (With look of horror) Oh...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...this pleather is dry-clean only! (Falls down and dies, but grabs GW’s leg first)

GW: Get your hands off me you DAMN DIRTY LIBERAL! (PAUSE) I’M SPARTACUS!!!

RM: (Silence...looks at GW.)

GW: WHAT?

RM: Uh...nothing...say, lets go invade the Liberal HQ in Berkley California.

GW: ...Ok.

Narrator: The two resistance members managed to save the last two cars on the planet. Two SUVs that get 2 gallons to the mile. They begin their treacherous trek through the forest. They gather up all the meat they can find. Just in case.

(cue: JURASSIC PARK THEAME TRACK___)

RM: Is that a liberal in the road?

GW: By George, I think it is.

RM: 10 points if you hit him.

GW: (With big grin) *BUMP* Liberal...OH ANOTHER ONE *BUMP* Liberal...(To the tune of jingle bells) Up on the sidewalk *BUMP* *BUMP* *BUMP*. What is that? Fifty points now?

Narrator: They soon come upon the most horrifying site in the world.

RM: Oh my god, that’s the most horrifying site in the world.

Narrator: Told ya.

(They “get out” of SUVs.) (They see a man hugging a tree.)

Man: I Love you tree...

(RM walks up to man...looks at him...slaps him...and then gets back into SUV.)

Narrator: There, now that that’s been taken care of, they can continue on their journey.

Meanwhile...at Liberal HQ...GOREBOT awaits their arrival.

-------------------------------------------------------------

(We come upon GBOT and LG3. Both have their back turned to audience.)

(cue: MARS, BRINGER OF WAR TRACK___)

GBOT: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH...etc.

(LG3 smacks GBOT in back of head.)

GBOT: Thank you......They think they can stop me and my liberal ideals...MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA...etc.

(LG3 smacks GBOT in back of head.)
GBOT: Thank you...I will now unleash my army...

(cue: WICKED WITCH MUSIC TRACK___)

...OF FLYING SQUIRRLS!!! FLY MY PRETTIES...FLY!!!!!!!!!

GBOT: NO, WATCH OUT FOR THE SU...(Boom)...Vs. Ah well, there goes the army of flying squirrels.

(Heard in background: GW: That’s ten points a piece...count ‘em up!)

GBOT: Damn them and their SUVs...I INVENTED the SUV!

(Enter GW & RM)

GBOT: My army may have failed, but now I shall turn your army against you...all...ONE of them! I shall show scenes from the movie...Bambi!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!

(GW turns away, but RM is already stuck staring at the screen.)

RM: (In drone voice) MUST WATCH CUTE FLUFFY ANIMALS...(drool)

GW: NO! YOU MUST RESIST!

RM: Must...kill...self...before...becoming...PETA member...

Narrator: He then drowns himself with the chicken broth.

RM: I will now drown myself with the chicken broth.

Narrator: Why do you always repeat everything I say?

RM: Why do you always...Oh...I mean...(he dies...kind of.) George...use the Pork George...use...the...Pork. (He really dies this time)

GW: (Reaching for the Pork) It’s time to die GOREBOT.

GBOT: (Think hard through out) But GW...I...I...(gets an idea) (stars breath like Darth Vader) GW...I am your father.

GW: (Looks at his funny) Uh...yeah...you’re a robot.

GBOT: That’s beside the point...
GW: (In Scottish accent) You can take my guns GOREBOT, but you’ll never take...THE OTHER WHITE MEAT! AHHHHHH! (Hits GBOT with Pork) (GBOT FALLS).

GBOT: (On ground) ...cough...R O S E B U D ... (dies once)

GW: (Look’s at narrator) What’s Rosebud? (Narrator shrugs)

GBOT: (alive again) It...was my bunny. (Dies again)

GW: (With big grin) OH, you mean...THIS BUNNY! (pulls out fur)

GBOT: (alive again) Yes...my poor little bunny. (Dies again)

GW: Oh. (Throws it.)

GBOT: (alive again) NO! SNOOCOMES! (Dies again...for real this time)

GW: Why won’t you die! (Gets Republican flag and puts it on GOREBOT.)

(cue: CHARIOTS OF FIRE TRACK___)

Narrator: And so, good is restored to the world and all liberals are vanquished to a far off island. Our hero eventually marries Brittany Spears and they have many many...MANY children...all named G.W. of course.

POWERPOINT: MAY THE PORK BE WITH YOU!

(cue: STAR WARS THEAME TRACK___)



The End

1 comment:

GeorgeDubya said...

That, my friend, was composed of pure awesome.

Also, I need to start carrying around a squirt gun full of chicken broth. . . just in case.