What have we here? the man asked.

A "Bottle of Sense," his sidekick eagerly replied. I got it for you. It's a present. It cost me a week's wages. It's for you. To have. [The man looked at the bottle in disgust.] Are you going to open it?

What use have we for sense in times like these? Fetch us a bottle of hope instead.

The sidekick complied and the man drank heartily. And yet he thirsted.

Bring us another bottle, would you? The extra large one. The Mega-Chug version with the built-in crazy straw.

The sidekick complied and the man drank heartily. And yet he thirsted.

The man continued to drink and the sidekick to fetch for many days and nights. After a particularly heaving night of hope binging, the man slept and the sidekick retrieved the dusty bottle of sense from the pantry.

And the sidekick drank.

You are not so terrible, little bottle, he said. You could be better, but I wonder why the man dislikes you so? I shall ask him when he rises.

And the sidekick drank some more.

Come morning the man had to fetch his own bottle. The sidekick had left the man that night and the next day applied for a small business loan. Within a year he was no longer the sidekick but Mr. Sidekick--as in "Mr. Sidekick's Home-Brewed Hope" and "Mr. Sidekick's Home-Brewed Sense."

And the man bought Mr. Sidekick's hope because it was the best hope around.
And while very few people bought Mr. Sidekick's sense, it was also the best around.
And the sidekick never did get to ask the man why they preferred hope to sense.

And the world was a more horrible place because of it.


broken570 said...


1. you make a mistake here in your allegory. you assume that hope and sense are mutually exclusive. this is clearly false. someone can have both. there must be--and is--a third bottle. mr. sidekick's hopeful sense (or perhaps senseful hope?). and that is what a lot of americans are drinking. granted, many others are only drinking hope, but they are not as numerous as the mixed drinkers.

2. i assume, based on this false dichotomy you're trying to create, that mccain is the sense bottle. or at least the conservative party is. this is also clearly false. mccain hasn't made a lick of sense in the campaign. he has piss poor economic plans (the man doesn't know his economics and couldn't bail us out of a crisis if he wanted to--though i'm not sure anyone can, really. fdr didn't really bail us out of the great depression as much as ww2 did). his strategy for iraq is worthless. he's ignoring afghanistan to fight a losing war elsewhere. at this rate, we'll lose both wars. i think he just can't stand being a part of all the wars america has lost. he ignores education. he wants "everyone to be rich," which is inherently contradictory--again a testament to his ignorance of economics (or kant's categorical imperative). if everyone were rich, no one would be rich, because by comparison everyone would have a shit ton of money and it would no longer be worth anything. inflation, yeah? and taxing everyone equally is not the way to get that everybody rich business to happen anyway, which is obvious. not to mention he has been flat-out lying about many policies and slandering his opponent mercilessly, which just shows poor character. and i don't think poor character really gels well with good sense.

3. you should write an explicit blog (like ZER's) in which you defend or explain your support for mccain/palin instead of using allegories. a positive case--not a negative case against the democratic ticket. i don't think disliking the democratic party or the candidate is reason enough to vote for the republican candidate if he is just as bad. there are other options. i'm interested to know why you support them...still. if i thought you were an idiot, i wouldn't really ask, but you are an anomaly in the world, and i need to understand you.

p.s. can you tell i've been grading my students' papers and they are awful? i'm in attack mode.

Daniel T. Richards said...

1. Does the story say that you can't drink both bottles should you choose to do so?

2. I find your interpretation amusing.

3. Pineapple.

broken570 said...

every day you become more and more like bill o'reilly.