1.27.2009

Academic: Breaking - I'm not prepared to be an academic--a teacher, perhaps, but not an academic. With every word I write, I think about the meaninglessness of my action. My topic has been so bastardized by certain "orders" or "discourse" that it has lost its significance to me. Like a defeated Roarkian (an oxymoron?) or moreso a pre-Galtian Rearden, my efforts to salvage what's left of an atrocity are futile and, perhaps, even immoral. And today I learn that the mutant proposal--which I allowed them to create--is not even good enough. I must be fair to all theories. Even my thesis must be multicultural / postmodern / dead. If someone said to you, "Even if you believe in the value of your own life, you must consider the fact that it's not valuable at all for the sake of everyone else who think's their life is worthless," what would you do? Would you make the argument? The proper response, it seems to me, is to punch them in the face and walk away. But that won't get me a master's degree in most states. This isn't Alaska for God's sake.

Social: Breathing - Aren't I always?

Personal: Confused - Aren't I always? No. That's not fair to me. In a time when I feel as if I'm able to live more freely than ever before, it seems as if I don't know what to do with my new found freedom.

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