"[The argument about words versus actions] is not important. It doesn't matter which signs/clues are more important, because what's most important is whether they have fun together, whether they make each other happy."


Anonymous said...

If they have fun together and make each other happy (which would be difficult to do without both words *and* actions), what other signs or clues would they need? The same goes for if they don't.

A great relationship isn't about words or actions. It demands both, but it's about feelings. What matters is how you feel (about yourself - your life). If your world doesn’t feel a little warmer and look a little brighter with her/him in it, maybe s/he shouldn't be.

broken570 said...

Your posts are harder to make sense of than Wittgenstein's Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus.

Jayemel said...

And since when did people in our society care about what makes them happy?

Daniel T. Richards said...

To anonymous:

"Signs" and "clues" are referents to words and actions denoting a possible relationship beyond friendship. This quote makes the argument that we needn't worry about those signals if we're having fun.

True, every relationship we have should make us happy--otherwise what's the point of having it? But how often do we--I can at least speak for men--over analyze a situation in the hopes of finding "clues" to a woman's motivation? We spend so much time worrying about what something means that we forget the purpose of finding meaning in the first place: to make ourselves happy.

To broken570:


To Jayemel:



Anonymous said...

DTR - I understood the quote. My primary issue, though I didn't state it clearly, was with pitting words and actions in opposition or suggesting that one may be more important than the other.

I hadn't thought about over analyzing as being something guys do, but I certainly spend a lot of time listening to my male friends analyze situations in search of clues revealing another person's motivation (romantic, professional, or other). Do you know what I almost always say to them when they're done talking (or when I'm done listening)? I say, "stop talking to me, and go talk to them."

My assumptions yesterday were: 1. that the fun and happiness were, without a doubt, mutual and 2. that people who have fun together and make each other happy would want to be together. This isn't necessarily true, because it leaves out the all-too-important attraction factor.

Having thought about it more, I disagree with my first sentence. You're right: we shouldn't worry so much about meaning that we're unable to enjoy the moment, but most of us do. This is why I advocate communication and favor straightforward honesty over "clues" and "signs." Humans crave security. it's natural to want to understand another person's intentions, particularly if we're having fun and feeling happy.*

JML - Most people in our society care about what makes them happy (whether they truly know or are honest with themselves about what does or could make them happy, is a different story). Unfortunately, most people in our society are too afraid to be happy.**

*enjoying the now
**ultimately, completely happy

Brent S. Robida said...

well said, dan. well said, indeed.