7.28.2009

a facebook conversation of little consequence to the general public

Friend
i look best with a cigar

Daniel
I look best with Megan Fox standing next to me.

Friend
it would be better for you, I think, to look best next to an object you could control

Daniel
You couldn't have known this without the context in my head, but I meant that if she was standing next to me, no one would be looking at me. (Or maybe you did somehow figure that out--since the joke could have gone numerous ways.)
Welcome to my weird mood. Enjoy your stay.

Friend
are there any extra pillows

Daniel
No. And shots of cheap liquor are $7.

Friend
i feel like i've been here before

Daniel
And you'll be here again. Thank you for flying Air Richards.
So, now that we've got that out of the way. How the job search going?
(Also, I'm Cherokee.)

Friend
i might have a lead
ahah

Daniel
Tres bien.
(Little known fact: American Indians were fluent in French.)

Friend
it is a job
i keep thinking of Roark

Daniel
In what way?

Friend
bad job
but be good at it
i'll be building garages instead of sky scrapers

Daniel
Yep, yep. (But maybe not. Who knows?) At least you're building.

Friend
true
and being paid to build will be nice

Daniel
I am least glad to hear that you won't be begging on the streets of Decatur for the upcoming year.

Friend
but its just a lead anyway
hahah

[…]

Friend
i think shes a figment of our imagination
simultaneous imagination

Daniel
of our collective mind
(that felt gross)
I think she is the Norse demi-God Loki.

Friend
hahhahah to all of the above

Daniel
In other news, I'm eternally mad at you for ditching this trip. There is no way I will ever forgive you since my hatred is unconditional. I thought you were compassionate. I thought you were selfless. I thought you put other people first. Etc.
(I want to hire Ben Stein to read the previous paragraph.)

Friend
hahhahahahahhahahhahaha
you don't need to be upset, several people voted and decided this trip wasn't best for you

Daniel
I applied for stimulus funds so you could afford the trip--based on your great need--but some New Jersey democrat got his application in first.
I think it was their governor.

Friend
hahahhaha
thats not fair

Daniel
Life isn't fair, Friend. Nothing is fair. Fair isn't fair. If the government was fair to you, that simply means it wouldn't be being fair to someone else.
And that's not fair.

Friend
i feel so guilty now

Daniel
Guilt is good. Guilt means you learned something today--like how to racially profile a white cop.

Friend
hahaha
i don't want to play this game anymore

Daniel
HA
Ok. I wish I could say that to my accountant.

Friend
hahaha
you could try

Daniel
Yes, I could. It would be in accordance with my new pledge to stop being too passive about my political beliefs with people that disagree with me.

Friend
its interesting that you say that

Daniel
A group of my Clemson friends (and AJE) decided to start being very proactive in starting debates. And not letting ridiculous comments slide without intelligent rebuke.
Or at least without passive consent.

Friend
i have done the same thing
in some company
namely, in company other than current or possible employers

Daniel
Touche.

Friend
but I would like to live out my philosophy more readily
instead of being afraid of hurting peoples feelings

Daniel
Quite. I especially found it strange that I was reluctant to hurt the feelings of people I hardly ever talk to...or don't really care to associate with--like a lot of my Facebook "friends" or classmates.
So I said to myself, "Self, you have a lot of really good friends. Time to start drawing lines."
Intelligently, that is.

Friend
the weird thing is, I think I am afraid of having enemies
but the people i would make as enemies would be helpless to hurt me in any way

Daniel
Quite. I need to remember that rule. When I do make enemies, they tend to be my professors. Oops. Anyway, lately I've been taking more stands. It's fun. I used to be this way in high school--except that my arguments were much less intelligent and relied mainly on ad hominem attacks.
Basically, I was Keith Olberman.
But straight.

Friend
i'm doing a google search of Keith Olberman so that I can be a part of this joke

Daniel
lol (literally)

Friend
oh you meant OlbermanN
of course
I am intimately acquainted with his work

Daniel
I didn't know you were that into gay porn.
The things we learn.

Friend
hahaha
i find it easier to keep track of the story
less complications

Daniel
Yes. Adding women just... well it just.
(If I had said Chris Matthews instead of Olbermann, would you have followed?)

Friend
if you would have posted a picture

Daniel
(Wolf Blitzer?)
(Walter Cronkite?)
((Too soon?))

Friend
hahaha
where they football players
?

Daniel
Yes. They played for the Washington Elitists.

Friend
tight ends?

Daniel
The tightest.
[insert "committing Sotomayor" joke here]

Friend
right handed?

Daniel
Only if two lefts make a right.
(I'm dying here.)
(Next segment.)

Friend
i was trying to set you up for the finale

Daniel
>> Finale.
"The Aristocrats."

Friend
hahahahhahaha

Daniel
(Get it? We're literally speaking about aristocratic politicians.)

Friend
oh i got it

Daniel
It works on, like, 12.7 trillion levels.

Friend
or at least 2

Daniel
I said "like."

It just says, "Sending."
There it goes.
The Intertubes were clogged.
With lolcatz and midget porn.

Friend
hahah

No comments: