1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 reasons to try Pete’s No.6

[A blast from the past. I started a food blog with DFS and AJE in 2009. It lasted all of five posts. Here is one of them.]

June 8, 2009

Pete’s No. 6 | Honey chicken salad sandwich
Easley, SC

If simply telling you to visit isn’t enough, then I suppose I should give you “reasons” based on “facts” constructed into an “argument.” Whatever. You people are never satisfied. Anyway, here goes. First off, they have…

1. History!
There’s something to be said about old things. Classic cars, vintage clothing, Keith Richards. When something endures long enough to be considered “old,” it’s quality. (Does not apply to politicians. Or milk.) As the oldest restaurant in Easley, Pete’s No. 6 is a little slice of the long-since-past, the Golden Age of Americana when men were men, women were women, and J. Edgar Hoover was simply a “confirmed bachelor.”

Pete’s is over 50 years old! It’s true. People were alive then. I’ve seen it in stories and Eddie Izzard stand-up specials.

And if that’s not reason enough to visit, then you have the…

2. Chicken salad!
Vegetarians and vegans, I know your flesh-starved brains may be decaying because you lack the nutrients found in oh-so-succulent meat, so before you get your man-thongs and knickers in a twist, beware: Chicken salad does, in fact, contain chicken–a form of meat. The “salad” part is simply a reference to a sort of dish consisting of foods, as meat, seafood, eggs, pasta, or fruit, prepared singly or combined, usually cut up, mixed with a dressing, and served cold.

In this case, the “salad” part refers to chunky, chunky chunks of white meat with a mayo-honey dressing mixed with pecans (pee-kanz) and craisons on sour dough. Hold the tomato. (Always hold the tomato. Unless you’re into that sort of thing.) This extra-sweet, crunchy, chunky mixture of fresh ingredients is guaranteed to make even the most Yankee of souls whistle Dixie while demanding their industrious neighbor pay for and sanction morally bankrupt economic habits.

And if that’s not reason enough to visit, then you have the…

3. Sides!
Thick and creamy mac & cheese, slaw, fried okra, veggies, etc., etc., etc. You get two with your lunch plate. “Only two?” you ask greedily. Two. And that’s all you’ll need. You get a mound. Of each. Deal.

And if that’s not reason enough to visit, then you have the…

4. Price!
Scrumptious chicken salad and two sides for right around $8. Not too shabby, I’d say. Not in this economy. And if you think that’s too expensive, then you can always skip out on the bill and force Pete’s to petition Congress for a bailout.

And if that’s not reason enough to visit, then you have the…

5. Dessert?
Ok, so I didn’t actually have dessert. But I do know that they make their desserts fresh everyday. So I’m willing to bet they’re better than that chemically-baked, steroid-enhanced “apple” “pie” crap you get at McDogfood’s.

And if that’s not reason enough to visit, then you have the…

6. Flashing lights!
At night, Pete’s sign lights up like a 60s Vegas strip joint, seizure-inducing lights and all. (Remember: They’re old, so you can’t sue them. A seizure in their time was simply God smiting little Timmy for taking “an extra minute” to put on his Howdy Doody underoos.) If you’re not lured in by the nostalgia, great food, or fair prices, then at least give them a try when your truck crashes into the parking lot from your undiagnosed epilepsy.

And if that’s not reason enough to visit, then… what the “H,” “E,” double-hockey-sticks do you want from me?